A day that was.... (Post 2)

Well this is a view from Golconda... Such an awesome place... If you can get through the inital trek up to the fort , the view is a major incentive...

 Sometimes maybe our best is just not good enough. Like Klose and the German team for example, they did give the Spaniards stiff opposition, I mean though they had the control of the ball, Spain could not convert it into a goal till like the 72nd minute of the game, which was quite a fight Germany put up. As for Klose, you win some you lose some buster. So you didn't beat the world record... But you didn't let Villa score either.. So as of now you are still in the running for the golden boot. Well, I know that's no consolation but still you have hope Klose. I digress... So well yeah it was your best Germany but the Spaniards were just better than you. So, I was watching the match yesterday with my mum drinking.... Frooti... The match wasn't that exciting but me and my mum kept me entertained... She kept switching sides at the drop of a hat. Much fun seeing mum all hyperactive. She was actually high on frooti. Made me think how it would be watching the game in a sports bar drinking beer. I guess I would be on my feet the whole time and knocking things off left, right and center. I'm such a klutz. Ask P, I spilled Sambhar on my phone once, and that was a normal day. So with people around  and with beer in my system.... Ohhho what fun! I digress again. Oh, even if I did go to a sports bar, I wouldn't drink. Why you say? ' cos I don't drink. Why you ask, again?  No not because I'm scared of my mum. Nor is it because of my morals. I don't care really. Most of my friends drink. Then why you say? Well that's a post for another day.

Growing up is...(Post 1)

 Ok, its been a month since I've got my offer letter. A whole month I have been stressing about the date of joining. God knows when I'll stop stressing. I usually have this habit of obsessing about freakishly irrelevant things or about events which are hardly in my control. Not that I do anything about it, I just obsess and torture everybody around me. Specially P.  Why am I obsessed abut my joining date when starting work is pure torture you say? Well... you see there are a couple of people who I'm very attached to and share a love hate relationship with and they define my existence during these unimaginably boring days(Holidays are boring... can you imagine?). Yep, my gang. But all of them will be leaving by the end of this month, Oh! The heartache! What will I do at home without them? Sigh. Who will I do my shopping with? Who will kick my ass in one of my panic attacks? Who will I make fun of? Who will I hangout with? Who will I talk to about my mom's crazy plans? P, S and N... You are all bad friends! Leaving town before I do. Karma isn't the b***ch.. Growing up is.

I'm back!

Hey guys...  So the title is self explanatory, I'm back! Yeah its been long but I've been busy finishing my engineering and getting myself a job and minor inconveniences as such. Looking forward to blog away!

I, percieve........

There was this day, when me and one of my friends D had got attendance and wanted to get out of college. For the lesser informed, our college has a no-open-gate policy and has tenacious watchmen just waiting to rip you apart, as if you were a rag in a bull dog's mouth. Let me just showcase a bit of my college's hypocrisy here. To start of with, there should not be any verbal exchange between boys and the girls. Not that we are craving for male attention, but why bloody make it a co-ed in the first place when you want to follow a quarantine policy? I mean yeah I'm all for the separate buses(you should see how the bus overflows with people at any given point of time) I really wouldn't want to compete with the guys for the remaining half inch of floor space. But different canteens? What does the management think? We would charm the guys over a plate of rock hard rice and a daal made with a vegetable, which would surely give me rashes? Yeah I do know that the way to a man's heart is through his stomach, but hello, when you have a half an hour break, a growling stomach and a queue to have the last scrapings of something edible, trust me the opposite sex is the last thing on your mind. I mean, are they really that dumb I always wonder. People will meet, they will become friends and more than friends even if you oppress it. I've become friends with P and a lot of other guys, good guys at that and I'm pretty sure I haven't exploited their EEE modesty, contrary to the beliefs of a notorious member of their faculty.

You see thats the thing, hypocrisy, its prevalent everywhere. I mean P and the other guys think that there is no gender bias, but well there is, I've been at the recieving end of it. I mean, I can list out faculty who have said it on our face that, it isn't necessary for girls to study engineering. Why? A half of them think we girls and our wily charms would "distract" the guys. Yeah right! As if! And the other half, the half who know better, just think the infrastructure isn't good enough that the girls are at their competitive best. For example, I do score better in exams than my most male classmates. But in the end, they are better informed and technically sound. Ok, not only me P, the girls who actually want to learn as well. We sit in the lab and trust me, the male lab incharges are so reluctant to come to the girls section of the lab(yep discrimination). So the department decided, they would just appoint female incharges, who then start flirting with the guys and castigating the girls for why they wore high heels or left their hair and the rest. Mostly, they have zero working knowledge! In the end, the guys learn on their own and we are clueless yet again. Sigh. Yeah, thats the way it works.

If you thought that was the height, beat this. The day D and I got attendance, we were stopped by the bull dogs, oops I mean watchmen, because *drum roll* we were girls. When my male classmates, cruised out smoothly(pun intended. There is no tar road which leads to college and the journey is back breaking) on their cars and bikes. When we growled at the watchman,"Dude they are our classmates, let us out!!!" All the bull dog had to say was,"Yeah I did, I'm not going to let you out, what are you going to do about it?" I mean, the audacity of that guy! The worst thing is their word is always taken against ours. P said, maybe they thought that the stretch of road wasn't safe and didn't want two girls to walk alone. There's a point in that P, but he had no right to talk to two students like that! Especially when we were all respectful and called them "Sir". Yeah, and hypocrisy personified is the attendance finalization time. When you have less than 75% and more than 65%, you are left to go, because you paid *drum roll* 300 rupees as compensation. For people less than 65%, 3000 rupees. Thats how, I figure, guys who I've never seen in a single class the whole semester, keep getting promoted to the next. Well why can't you just bloody put an open gate and stricter attendance. Ohh wait, that way, the management would lose, the maximum profit they make! Nice... They are actually pretty good businessmen! What about the ground, where you are supposed to get your own equipment to play? And also has an unwritten boys only rule? I you are a girl, and you are seen playing there, and its not a sports event(???) you are stared at as if you have committed blasphemy. Sports fee is duely collected every year. Hmm... So much for equality.

Actually, before we cry foul, I think, girls, there is as much fault in us. I mean come on, when was the last time you went towards the ground. Yeah I know its very hot and dirty there and you don't want to chip you toe nails or get sweaty, its time we stood up to our needs. Us getting complacent, is well, just sending a signal that we don't care, which is hardly the case. I know a lot of S's M's and A's who are brilliant sportswomen. And about labs, come on, we badger them, they have got to tell us. Forget H's high heels or Al's loose hair. That is not our agenda. Of course, H and Al, we love you and will stand up for you treating college as a ramp, but hey sorry our jobs matter the most. Somewhere down the line, we've been so dazzled by you that, we forgot to take our stand for, well better faculty. Think girls, think, be it Helen of Troy or Cleopatra or Panchali or Sita, women changed the course of history. Let history repeat itself. Lets stand up for what we need, for once, united not thinking of lab marks or snide remarks or blemishes in character, certified by non descipt faculty and take up the initiative. Lets fight our own wars, instead moping and lamenting. Viva revolution!

Heart Crossings (Part 4)

Continued....

He sat on the bench opposite to the center lost in thought. The past few years had bought him so much satisfaction and happiness, that at times he almost felt that it was too good to be true. But he knew it wasn't a dream. It was reality which was only possible because of her. The love his life.

It was on an idyllic summer afternoon, when Ashish had come back home for two months of vacation. He thoroughly enjoyed his job. Flying an aircraft gave him a high and he felt that it was the most wonderful thing to do. He didn't want to come back for summer, but his parents had insisted. It had been more than an year since they had seen their son. A couple of hours into his break, he was already bored. Most of his friends had moved away from town or were happily married.

Ashish decided he would take a stroll to the mall, his mind was flooded with Krittika's memories. "Guess she must've got married by now" he thought conscious of the pain in him. Ashish had never felt so alone and empty. He often thought what if... What if he had just told her that he was helping Pavithra recover and that he hoped with all his heart that she would recover. Then as he introspected further, he realised, it was not a mater of what if but why didn't he? The way she had reacted when he had first found Pavithra, had always compelled him to protect Pavithra lest Krittika would launch a tirade against the already disturbed girl. Would Pavithra be better off if he had just taken Krittika's advice and come down hard on her? These were the questions that had always kept haunting him. Still sauntering in the past, something had caught Ahish's eye. It was a flier about the recent opening of a rehabilitation center and how it was different from the others. When the others concentrated on bringing an addict to full health and then brainwashing them against using drugs, this center wanted to go to the root and analyse why the victim had chosen drugs in the first place. A combination of pyschiatric, medical and exensive healing procedures would ensue that the addict was nurtured back to health and his confidence reinstated. It further stated that the center needed volunteers and had provided a phone number. Without thinking twice, Ashish called to register. "Hello, Pavithra Sanjay organisation, how may I help you?" said a voice. Ashish was numb. "It was too much of a co incidednce. Not too much, it cannot be one. How can it? Pavithra Sanjay? Sanjay was... was Kittu's brother. Had he started a rehab center? But why under Pavithra's name? Kittu?" Ashish's mind was racing. "Hello, anybody on the line?" said the voice."Uhh yes, hi. This is Ashish, I saw your add for volunteers and I'd like to volunteer," Ashish said. After the receptionist had listed out the formalities, Ashish finally asked "Wh.o runs this center?" The receptionist, said"Ms. Krittika sir, Sanjay's sister." Ashish's heart was thumping. "Krittika? His Kittu? But what had happened? She was in Berkely... When had she returned? Why hadn't she told him that she was back? What's with the organisation?" Ashish had a million questions and decided that he had to meet Krittika immediately. After pulling a couple of strings, he finally managed to find her number. There was a lump in his throat when he dialled her number."Hello" she said. "Kittu?""Ashu?"she said slowly after a gap. "Wow you still remember me! I was just in town and I realised you were back in town too... Can we meet sometime?" Ashish said."Sure, after all I can chuck coffee if you turn out to be an asshole, meet me in 10.. coffee shop at the mall" she said before disconnecting. "She still remembers," he thought as he smiled at himself involuntarily.

Krittika was already waiting when he had got there. "Hey you look great Captain!" she said her hand rising in salute. "Whoa! Kittu!" he managed to say, noticing the flicker of pain in her eyes. "What happened Kittu?" Ashish said after all the light hearted banter. Krittika looked visibily tormented with the memory of the past."Sanjay, as you know was in the navy. After I had left, well the ship he was serving on had collided into a rock. Sanjay was injured critically. Though the doctors were able to bring him back to normal, he was put on heavy sedatives and pain killers for a long period of time. Sanjay was so addicted that he couldn't survive without taking those pills. It was excrutiating to see him go through the whole stage, the pills taking control of his body and then him. He expired last year." She said sobbing. "It was then I realised, that I had been so wrong in my perception. It was not because they are losers people take drugs. There might be a more inherent problem there, when overlooked....." her voice trailed off. Ashish was speechless. Krittika continued"So I wanted to help people, to treat their self afflictations, their emotional turbulence once calmed, they would be normal again. So I started this organisation. As soon as I came up with this idea, I approached Pavithra's parents. They were more than happy to provide moral, emotional and of course the much needed financial support. I realised then, how much Pavithra had meant to you, how much you wanted her to have a normal life. " She was looking at him, her eyes pleading him to say it now, for it was not too late. "Kittu,I was distraught that you were leaving me, that day when Pavithra was missing, all I wanted to say to you was I beg you please stay back... You are as integral to me as Bernoulli's Principle is to flying!" Ashish stopped realising Krittika was staring at him. "I guess what I'm trying to say is that I love you Krittika... you and I might have opposite perspectives and views about life, but we are empirically the same. I had gone through some of the worst days of my life without you and now seeing you like this... " he was unable to say anything else. There was heavy silence in between them. Both of them lost in thoughts of the past few years, the painful seperation, the loss of a loved one and guilt of not being with a loved one when they needed them the most."Kittu, I was so stupid, if I had thought about it then, I would've seen clearly that you would support me.You could've told me Kittu that Sanjay had expired, didn't you think I would come?" Ashish said. Finally Krittika held Ashish's palm, gave it a squeeze and said"This is my way of saying sorry Ashu, for the guilt and pain was so terrible that remorse wasn't enough. I just couln't take not doing anything." As if not wanting her to say anything else, he hugged her tight, this time promising himself that he would never let go.

He was still sitting on the bench when she came out of the center."Captain!" she said, eyes wide in surprise as she saw him. "Happy Birthday Kittu!" he said pulling out a coffee mug."Wow thanks! " she said, before noticing something else in the mug. By this time Ashu had got down on his knee. "Kittu, will you marry me? I swear you can chuck coffee on me for the rest of our lives, even if I'm not being an asshole!" he said slowly looking at her. "You took so long alpha male!" she said as she tried on the ring.

**THE END!**

P.S. P, I've used one of your lines here! So thank you!

Heart Crossings (Part 3)

(Continued....)

"What is the name of this relationship? Am I in love with him? Is he my friend? Was he someone I had a good time with? What Krittika? What?" Krittika was thinking as tears were welling up in her eyes. She had to meet Ashish for lunch the next day. Krittika spent the whole day trying to think of something to say to Ashish, so that he could get a hint of how much she loved him. She was there at the restaurant on time, because for once, she wanted to show him that he was her priority, nothing else. Half an hour passed, she had texted him, but there was no reply. She called him, he wasn't taking her calls. By then an hour had passed. "Hi Neha, this is Krittika, is Ashish with you?" "Hey Kittu... no he isn't with me, I'll find out ok?" Neha said. "Hey Kittu, figures that junkie Pavithra disappeared and Ashu's helping her parents look for her. Don't know why he keeps meeting that girl so many times, all these junkies are goddamn losers man! I think Ashu's wasting his time on her! You can tell her no... Hello? Kittu? Kittu are you there?" Neha was yelling. "Yeah Neha thanks," said Krittika distraught. It was as if something in her had died. Ashu, the guy she had loved more than her life, the guy she held no secrets from had kept his life a secret from her. It was as if she didn't even know him anymore. "Was she in love with a lie? A person who had no value for her feelings? Obviously, Kittu, how dumb of you. Why are you expecting so much from a person who had not even committed to you. He doesn't care to even properly say good bye, he doesn't deserve you" she thought as she cried herself to sleep.

The condition with Ashish was more or less the same, though he had volunteered to search for Pavithra, all his thoughts were centered on Krittika. He knew he had broke her heart. But he knew he could make ammends and then tell her that he loved her. Little did he know fate had other plans. As he was thinking about Kittu he recieved a call from the police officer. "We found the dead body of Pavithra near the diary farm forest stretch please bring a family member to identify her body." Ashish couldn't believe it. Pavithra, who he thought was his sister , who he wanted to lead a normal life was dead. He was shocked and unnerved, this was a girl on whom life had played a cruel joke on. She had not even seen one tenth of her life. Ashish didn't even know that a month had passed; He had been very busy consoling Pavithra's parents, performing her last rites, he had just started a campaign to root out drug abuse. He knew every passing day was increasing the distance between him and Kittu and pretty soon it would be too late but he was distraught when the realisation hit him that even Kittu hadn't tried to call him since the day Pavithra went missing.

A week had passed and Ashish was travelling to another part of town for an anti-drug campaign. Thats when he saw her. "Hey Kittu.... " he called out. She looked at him, without any trace of recognition and Ashish immediately knew that things were way past irreconcible between them."Ashish," she said. "How is Pavithra? How are you two doing? Did she kick the addiction? Oooh.. I'm sorry how can she, when she has you to bail her out. You guys make a great pair I'm sure", she said, stressing on each word carefully. Ashish felt as though somebody had stabbed him. Was this the girl he had loved? He knew he had hurt her, but she thought he and Pavithra... The thought itself was boiling his blood. "Krittika!" He yelled. "Why? Getting angry 'cos I'm talking the truth?" it was as if she was challenging him. He felt as if he was going to hit her, if she would stand infront of him any longer. "I don't have to explain myself to you Krittika. You of all people should understand me. But you didn't. Anyways, I guess we bumped into each other because we had something left between us. That day, I called you to meet because I wanted to break up. Our roads are different. They would never meet. If it were that day, I would have thought twice to say that. But today, I really have to thank you. You made it so easy for me. Its over Krittika." He said. Krittika nodded her head. "You are welcome" she said looking out of the moving train's window so that she could hide her streaming tears from him.

(Continued part 4....)

Heart Crossings (Part 2)

Continued from part 1

As he led the way, he asked again"so do you work in the store?" "Yeah, in weekends... I love playing with the kids who come in and well I get a staff discount in most of the other stores, so its a convenient arrangement" she said, laughing. He noticed that she had a very earthy laugh and said,"actually, I wanted to apologise, I really didn't let you face your fear". Her lips quivered as she nodded her head,"it wasn't you, Ashish, if I wanted to conquer my fear I would have even if you had said something, I guess I wasn't ready and my outburst was just a manifestation of my unwillingness to accept it." He looked at her in wonder, it had been quite sometime since he had met a girl who spoke like that. "So what do you do other than organising blood donation camps?" she asked, sounding inquisitive and conscious that he was looking at her. "I am an engineering student, final year, carefree and wild as you can see,"he said pointing at his hair which was growing wildly all over and they started laughing. It seemed as if things were very natural and by the end of their respective espresso and cappuccino he looked into her eyes and she blushed. "Listen, I know you have a shift tomorrow, but if you're free tomorrow, I really would like you to come to this show we organised for an orphanage, call me incase you want to come and I'll pick you up. " he said as he gave her a smile. "I'll see if I can come", she said mentally going through her closet to pick an outfit.

Two months later Ashish and Krittika were dating and it seemed to each of them that they had come a long way since their first meeting. Ashish realised Kittu, as he called her was an earthy, intelligent,a sweet girl who was strangely vulnerable under that fiesty, brave and rude façade. Krittika thought Ashu was emotional, focused and sensible. But what she loved in him the most was the fact that he would stand up to his principles no matter what. It was a beautiful August afternoon when Krittika got a call ”hey Kittu, umm I need your help, I’m at the police station can you, come here asap? ” Ashish said. Fearing the worst Krittika went, to find him sitting next to a girl”hey Kittu, this is Pavithra, she’s 17 and is a junkie, they arrested her, I just bailed her out, but she’s not in her senses yet, so can you keep her at your place till tomorrow?” he said. Krittika didn’t want to argue in the police station, so the next day, after they had found Pavithra’s parents and sent her home with them, Krittika said”You know Ashish, I think you shouldn’t have bailed her out. I think she should’ve been in jail, she would know.” Ashish looked at her strangely,”she’s young Kittu, she doesn’t know, its her first time, now that she’s got help she won’t do it again. Life always gives you a second chance. If you didn’t give me a second chance we wouldn’t be talking this way.” Krittika didn’t say anything else but she didn’t like what Ashish had done.

It was as if they were perfect for each other, complementing and contrasting each other. Their friends always felt that they were in love and that they made a great couple. It was the final year of college and Krittika wanted to go abroad for her higher tudies. She wanted to go abroad and see the world, enjoy life. Ashish had other plans. He was a true patriot and decided he would join the airforce. Though both of them had known their future plans, they had decided not to talk about it till something materialized. Krittika was about to call Ashish when he had called himself.”Kittu! Know what? I got accepted into the airforce! I’m so happy! Its my dream come true!” Kittu was silent for a minute before she said “Congratulations, Ashish, I got accepted by University of Berkley. I have to join in another two months.” Ashish couldn’t believe what he had just heard. He knew this had to happen, but he wasn’t ready to digest the fact that it had happened so soon. He knew he loved Krittika, but he didn’t know if she had loved him. He loved his country and he was not ready to forfeit his chance to get into the airforce. But Kittu, he wanted her to stay back, with him all his life. Yet, he couldn’t because he didn’t know if that was what she wanted, if asking her would be unfair, not wanting her to pursue her dreams, when he didn’t want to leave his dream for her. So he said”I guess, we have to talk about that Kittu.” She knew what it meant, that it was over. But there was a tiny ray of hope in her, that Ashish would finally realize that she loved him and ask her to stay back with him and tell her that both of them would live their life together forever….(To be continued….)

P.S. This story i dedicated to P.... For continually inspiring me to write and driving me to experiment! Yeay P! You rock!